Interaction with an American friend

3.3 Interaction with an American friend 

Friendship is a very important part in our life. But different cultures have different concepts about friendship. Are you aware of the differences between Chinese friendship and American friendship? Have you got any American friends? If not, do you know how? Today, I am going to talk about how to make friends with Americans.

First, I’d like to talk about Chinese friendship. In Chinese culture, true friendship is strong and lifelong bond. It's a relationship that endures through the lives of friends. As a Chinese saying goes, “海内存知己， 天涯若比邻”。 (If you have a friend far away who knows your heart, distance cannot keep you apart). Also, in China, most people expect their friends to help them when they are in need. “有难同当，有福共享”(People can not only share bitterness and hardship but also happiness with their friends)．Also, “在家靠父母，出门靠朋友”(It is your parents that you can rely on at home，but it is your friends that you can count on when you leave home). So, we expect a lot from our friends. We ask them for emotional support and advice in times of trouble. we ask them to offer financial support when we are short of money, and we take friends' help for granted.

Second, American friendship. Americans use the word "friend" in a very general way. They may call both casual acquaintances and close companions as "friends." Americans have school friends, work friends, sports friends and neighborhood friends. For them, friendship is mostly a matter of providing emotional support and spending time together.

Friendship in America is based on equality. Friends should exchange similar activities and give similar things to each other. Americans are very polite when asking for help, even for minor things. They also apologize to their friends for minor inconveniences, such as telephoning late at night or asking for some specific help.

Third, cultural differences in communication. In China, when we borrow a pen, we can say "借我笔用一下。" (Lend me a pen.). But in America, one is expected be polite and ask, “Could you please lend me your pen?”

In another case, if one takes a difficult course and needs a friend to study together for an upcoming test, in China, we take it for granted to ask for a friend’s help,  “你能帮我准备考试吗？”  which means, "Can you help me with my preparation for a test?  “ While in the west, people will ask whether the friend is willing to do so. They will say, "I am struggling with this course. Would you be able to help me study for the upcoming exam?"

Another example. In China, if our computer crashes, we often feel free to borrow the friend’s computer to finish our work, We will say, “我的电脑出故障了。把你的借给我用一用”. In the west, they feel it is very imposing. They may either ask a friend in a very polite way, saying "My computer crashed and I have an assignment due tomorrow. Do you think I could borrow your computer for the evening?”, or, go to a public library and use a computer there.

In a word, in China, people are expected to attend to a friend’s need and feel obliged to offer help. While in the West, people value individual’s rights and autonomy. They are very polite when asking a friend for help.

Next, how to make friends with Americans. You can visit places Americans enjoy, such as parties, churches, restaurants, parks, and sports clubs.

Be willing to take the first step. Don't wait for them to approach you. Americans may not know if you speak English. They may be embarrassed if they don’t speak your language.

Use small talk to open the conversation. If you are visiting and living in the U.S.A., you can use the weather for small talk “Kind of chilly this morning, isn’t it?”, or the weekend, “How was your weekend?”; or your family, “How’s Jane doing? I haven’t seen her for ages.” ; or sports, “Have you seen the football game on TV last night?” But remember: Be careful to avoid personal questions about age, salary, marital status and appearance. Show your interest in their culture, country or job.

Invite them to join you for dinner or just for coffee or tea. Don’t just make general invitations like, "Let's get together sometimes." Often, this is just a way to be friendly. It is not always a real invitation. Try to set a specific time.

Finally, don't expect too much at first. Americans often chat easily with strangers. They smile warmly and say, "Have a nice day." "See you later." Being friendly is not always an offer of true friendship. Maybe they are just being friendly.

Hope this talk helps. Thank you for watching.

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